And so it has come to this. As we exit the blissful land of Burtonia, passing the bikini-clad, shroom-guzzling absurdity of the 60s, our path begins to darken and stink. For it is upon us, before we can discover the shining light of Nolan only a little ways into the distance, we must wade through a quagmire of cinematic fecal matter. This is where careers have come to die, a comic book Tartarus where Val Kilmer is constantly pushing a rock up a hill, Jim Carey is doing that thing that we used to think was good and Chris O’Donnell is, well, being Chris O’Donnell. It’s an artistic hellscape, palatable to only completionists, drunkards and idiots.
We are about to head into the heart of darkness. Perhaps we shall emerge on the other side, clinging onto the last throes of humanity. One thing is for certain…we shall be forever changed. And so, join us for our descent into Joel Schumacher’s turd bucket as he serves us shit sandwich after shit sandwich of terrible acting, insane plot devices and art direction so loud it would make Von Gogh cut off his other ear.
We take on Batman Forever, tomorrow night, Saturday, at 10pm CST. Follow the Twitter feed if you dare. If we don’t make it, avenge us. Not even God can help us now.